THINGS TO PONDER

~ I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
~ Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
~ Half the people you know are below average.
~ 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
~ 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
~ A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
~ If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.
~ The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
~ I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.
~ OK, so what's the speed of dark?
~ How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
~ Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
~ When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.